I promised myself that I would write more. Expand my mind, empty my mind.
I often forget that I enjoy writing. I enjoy telling stories. I enjoy passing along learned knowledge, whether useful or best for trivia nights. And coming up with ideas as words and thoughts flow.
I’m unsure what the block to writing is for me- but maybe one day I’ll sit down and write about it.
It’s been over a year since I last sat down and wrote anything for my website. Much has changed since then.
In September 2022, I was in Michigan recovering from my emotional strife of living in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. I had a tough relationship with my time and life in Playa. I made my first official move there from the United States and had a vast array of physical and emotional difficulties there. In just 8 short months, I witnessed drug deals in the streets, pedestrians and bikers getting hit by cars, friends being beaten to a pulp for their wallets, my realtor being shot and killed in his car by the cartel while his 14-year old daughter was in the passenger seat, gas leaks blowing up restaurants, my 15-year old cat falling off a fourth story balcony and breaking her jaw, my purse being stolen with my wallet and phone during my birthday dinner, among many other distressing circumstances.
Returning to Michigan after this all was not only what I wanted, but what was necessary for my nervous system. The first couple of months back, I slept a lot. I cried a lot. I didn’t want to see friends or sunshine. I felt like I had failed in many ways. Most people I met in Playa absolutely loved it, whether they lived there permanently, vacationed there annually or were living the digital nomad winter. Why was it so hard for me? I lived in one of the most sought-after beach vacation spots in the world and yet, I felt unfulfilled, unsafe, lonely, and sad.
I never used to agree with the saying “ignorance is bliss.” I believed that knowledge always gave you power. I disagree with this now and feel that ignorance can keep you emotionally safe in certain occasions. Perhaps I learned and witnessed more than I was capable of handling in Playa. Perhaps others were blissfully unaware of what was happening around them and that kept them happy.
I question the information that I intake now. Do I need or want to carry this? How will it benefit me? It is likely to encourage positivity or negativity in my mind? Will I do something with this information? I’m glad that I have such a powerful, emotionally-driven mind, but learning to control intake was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.
